This Love This Hate
by youfailx
Summary: alex russo was abused and raped by her own father. when he mother found her , Her mother , and Max all packed up and went to go live with the greys in california.will alex ever let go of her painful past or will her past come back to get her?Nalex/shalex
1. Pain, Truth, and my new Home

**this is my second story.  
woot!  
anyways i came up with this idead awhile ago.  
but i might as well put it out there.  
hope you enjoy:)**_  
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**What do you get when you mix a dog and a cat together? a bad combo. right? so answer me this one question. What do you get when you mix hurt , pain , abuse , happy memories, sad Memories, rape, depression, and then add alot of love? you dont know? well let me just tell you, it aint good.**

_"Alex?" i heard someone yell. " ALEX!" and then i heard a pair of steps going up the stairs_

_"yes daddy?" i asked closing my laptop and putting it on my desk. i stood up and went to open my door._

**_Alex Russo's the name and this is my story. Im 16 and I have 2 brothers. Justin , 19, and Max ,12. YOu will only meet Max though. Justin's Off at collage. So im stuck here with my Mom , dad and Max. Why dont i sound so thrilled ? well you'll find out soon. Oh? Why am i starting off with a flashback you ask? well of course thats where it all started. Duhh!_**

_right when i opened the door my dad came stumbling into my room and glared at me. lately he's been drinking and getting drunk. i guess he has alot of stress at the sandwhich shop. oh and he and mom are having way to many fights. so he just uses drinking to ease his pain. and what happens when that doesnt work? he uses me as a punch bag to take out all his anger. he blames me for everything. now that justins gone he doesnt have a perfect child. Max is only 12 so he doesnt expect much from him but me? lets just say im a disapointment for him._

_he pushed and punched me till i fell and landed on the floor with a painful landing. he started to kick me in my gut and stumach. i winced as the bruises from the last beatings stung and ached with each and every kick. "D-daddy...S-stop....p-please" i managed to choke out as he beat me harder. i guess after having alot of painful beatings you would think i would learn how to keep my mouth shut right? nope. so talking mad him even mader. he made the punching and kickings even harder. he grabed my hair and pulled me up. i whimpered as it stung. he slapped me and threw me on my bed._

_"you worthless piece of crap. why cant you actually own up to something instead of just being worthless." he snapped. i could smell the beer strongly even though i was a good distance from him. i guess he drank more then he usually does. he usually just beats me for awhile then leaves._

_"i-im sorr-" i started to say but earned a slap to the face._

_"shut up you little whore." he yelled and started to rip my clothes off._

_"daddy. please" i whimpered in pain as he ripped off my clothes not caring if he pulled some skin while he did it. he slapped me even harder. He began to rape me._

_**Yeah. i cried throught the whole thing. i thought i might save you from the rest of the memory. so im ganna skip to a few days later.  
**  
_

_I sighed as I walked into my room. you see i do much more then my dad gives me credit for. Im an amazing dancer , so im told, and i can sing too. see im not as worthless as he thinks i am. it wasnt till i looked up and saw my dad there standing with beer in his hands and him laying on my bed. i gulped as i tried to slowly get out of here._

_"hold it!" he yelled. crap too late he saw me. i sighed and my bruises were already burning and stinging from just the thought of what was ganna happen tonight._

_it's been an hour and my dad just finished raping me. i was crying really hard and wraped under my blankets hiding my body. my dad threw me some clothes from my closet and then he grabed my arm and threw me from my bed to the floor. " get dressed." he slurred._

_i nodded and grabed my clothes. i had my underwear and bra on. i also had my skinny jeans on. i was working on my shirt when my mom opened the door and saw my dad touching me in ways that normal dad's dont oh and plus she saw my tears and did i mention i had no shirt on?_

_"Get your filthy hands off of her!" my mother yelled. she had a bat in her hands. she must have grabed it from the corner of my room._

_he glared at me and pushed me on the floor . i still had my shirt in my hands and i clung onto it as i managed to crawl to where my mother was standing. "mom.... your home." i mummbled softly as i slowly put my shirt on. i was trying yo get up but i was in so much pain i just fell and was laying on my floor next to my mom. " thank god.... your here to save me." i mummbled weakly as i looked up at her then at my dad._

_"oh you little..." my dad ran at me and the last thing i remeber was my mom screaming, the pain that was now in my head and everything went black._

_**Okay so now you know what happened. so lets get on with the present. ill tell you more about my past later on. but right now , the present is more important.  
**  
_I opened my eyes slowly as i felt us in motion. "m-mom?" i mummbled weakly as she was the first thing i saw.

"oh your awake." she smiled alittle at me and sighed "thank god." she mummbled.

i looked around and noticed we were in our car. i sat up straight and looked in the back seat. max? whys he sleeping in the back seat? why are we in this car in the first place? i looked at my mother and tried to remeber what had happened. of course i remeber but i still dont know what happened after all the blackness and pain. "Mom? where are we going? where's dad?" i winced at the name " how'd i get here? and why is max sleeping in the back?"

she sighed " well your father is back at our old home. We're going to the airport and max is sleeping because we had a long night. and i carried you here sweetie."

i nodded taking this all in. well that answers some of my questions. but what--

"hunny how long?" my mom asked in a pained voice interupting my thoughts.

"how long what?" i asked confused.

"your dad... how long has he hurt you and how many times has he..." she couldnt finish, but i understood.

" a month or 2. and he's r-raped me about 3 times." i said again wincing from memory. i could already se the next question coming " mom i know. im sorry i didnt tell you it's just , he told me that if i told anyone id regret it. i was scared." i said looking back at max. he's been quiet for a while. almost too quiet. i saw his eyes flinch. yeah he's awake but listening to our conversation. i sighed an dlooked back at my mom. she looked hurt and it looked like she was deep in thought. the whole drive to the airport was very quiet.

the plane ride was quiet too. i had my ipod with me. im glad my mom packed it and my laptop. she told me she packed as much as she could. max packed his own stuff. i turned up my ipod and whispered the chorus part to myself.

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you_

i sighed and closed my eyes as i listened to the rest of the song.

we were in an airport in california. i sighed and looked at my mom. " where are we ganna live?" i asked softly.

my mom smiled alittle "with some of my old good friends. they have kids too. and a huge mansion. all i know is that your ganna have your own room." she said trying to make me feel better.

i smiled at her tries."sounds.....fun?" i said softly.

max was looking at everything amazed. i smile dto myself. max was such a dork.

we were carrying the little stuff we had. i had the least stuff cause my mom had to pack them for me. i guess i was out for like 6 hours. woah thats creepy.

we saw a sign that said "Russo Family" and there was a guy holding it.

we walked over and he looked at my mom " Theresa!" he said happily. he gave her a friendly hug then turned to max " you must be their little boy , Max. am i right? well im Kevin Paul Grey. i know your mom from highschool. she and my wife were best friends." he said friendly. he sounded nice.

max smiled and nodded " yuppy that me. the one and only max. its nice to meet you." he said excited.

i smiled at his excitement. then he turned and looked at me. i was glad my mom had pretty good taste. i was wearing some black skinny jeans and a shirt that came to mid thigh . it was red and it had no sleves. it had in black letters "Rock and Roll" and my hair was slightly curly with my bangs brushed to the side.. he smiled a kind smile when he looked at me though. " and you must be Alex. Your the wonderful alex your mother kept talking about. you are as beautiful as she said." he said smiling.

i blushed. i usually never got compliments. "thank you . " i said softly. after what happened to me , i kinda was more of the shyish and queit one.

"well lets go then?"he said and took our few bags.

when we got to our new home i gasped in awe. it was huge and beautiful. "woah." i said amazed. max had the same expression.  
my mom and just chuckled. had most of the bags and so did my mom. i just had my laptop bag and my cell phone in my pocket.

led us into the house and i was just as amazed as i was outside. it was huge. we were in the entery. on the side in front of us was a beautiful big stair case that lead upstairs. and to our right was a door leading into the living room.

maax was going over every detail but i was more focused on the lady that was running toward us. she looked at me and hugged me " Omg i finally get to meet my goddaughter. she's soo beautiful." she said all excited. she was looking at me all happy. " im Denise Grey. your godmother. "  
i giggled as she was smiling and being all excited. " its nice to meet you." i said softly but sweetly. ive seen her in pictures but i never got to meet her.

" Your ganna love living here." she said looking at me. i noticed we were alone in here. i guess my mom and max and had left to go see the house.

"i think i already am."i smiled. i dunno. Denise just made me feel soo welcomed. i havent felt welcomed in a while.

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**_Alright.  
so heres the first chapter of my new story.  
hope you like it and the idea so far.  
so how will alex like living here?  
will the real alex eventually shine through this new one?  
okay so reviews would be nice.  
and if my other story doesnt get many reviews then im sorry but i might stop making it.  
anyways.  
Peace. Love. Mel_**

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	2. it's about to be a what? A paint fight!

**this is my second story.  
woot!  
anyways i came up with this idead awhile ago.  
but i might as well put it out there.  
hope you enjoy:)**_  
._

* * *

_" Your ganna love living here." she said looking at me. i noticed we were alone in here. i guess my mom and max and had left to go see the house._

_"i think i already am."i smiled. i dunno. Denise just made me feel soo welcomed. i havent felt welcomed in a while._

she smiled at me and hugged me. "oh well let me show you your room. it's kinda empty right now but thats because i wanted you to help me decerate it for you. i would do it myself but i have no clue what you like and plus i wanted to bond with you." she said as she grabed my laptop bag from me and i followed her up the big stairs.

"Really? we're ganna decerate the room just the way i want it?" i asked excited. ive only known for like a couple of minutes but i already like her. she seems nice.

"yeah. of course. i wouldnt want you to be in some room you dont like and feel uncomfortable in" she said laughing.

"oh my gosh your soo nice." i said smiling. we were on the 2nd floor to the house and we kept walking by doors. we were headed straight to another pair of stairs but this time it went up like 6 steps and then stoped right at a door.

"i hope you like this room. it's one of the best of the house." she said and opened the door. when the door flew open i steped inside in awe. the room was bigger then my old room and it even had a balcony. i could tell cause across the room were glass doors with light, see through curtains dangling infront of it. the room was practicall empty except that there was a queen sized bed with like a blackish brownish stand. it looked like one of those princess beds. the walls to this room were plainish and had no detail. i looked around till i saw what was now my very own closet. it was HUGE . it was a walk in closet and there is a three sided mirror with lights around it to make it easy to see your outfit. the closet had more room then i needed. with the clothes i have it'll probably be less then half filled.

i looked over at and i was ganna keep my cool but i squealed excitedly and hugged her. "thank you. omg it's ganna be awsome working on this room with you." i said still squealing .

some kid came running in. his hair was practically straight and he looked to be around 18 years old. he was wearing black skinny jeans with a simply v-neck shirt with a jacket over it. he was wearing converse that were black and white. "what happened? who's yelling-" by then he was looking at me confused. "hey mom why is there some chick in here and why is she hugging you and why is she squealing and why wont you answer my questions?" he asked

i giggled quietly as i saw the look on his mothers face. " shane this is alex. her mom and brother max are ganna be living here from now on. this is ganna be her new room and were going to the store to go buy some stuff to work on it. want to come and help?" she asked smiling.

shane smiled " sure. anything to get out of here. im reall bored. oh and it's nice to meet you Alex." he said and put his hand out which i shook friendly then let go and was fixing my hair. i like to look good when i go to the store. and being new here , its always good to have a good first impression.

"yeah it's nice to meet you. " i said then looked at . she was on the phone talking. then she hung up and smiled " lets go?" she said then started to walk away. me and shane followed behind her.

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me and shane both sat in the back and were talking the whole ride there. we knew alot about eachother so far. he had three brothers nate, jason , and frankie, but jason was in collage too. and i already knew me and him were ganna be close friends. shane and both got out of the car and shane opened my door for me. " aw thanks shane." i said smiling.

"no problem. anything for my new best friend." he said smiling and walked next to me. i was in the middle of them.

when we entered lows me and shane looked at " so where do we start first?" i asked excitedly.

they laughed and we started to look around.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------_

when we got back to the house my room was already covered and ready to paint. I changed into a tanktop and some shorts that gave me so i wouldnt get my few clothes dirty. shane changed into old jeans and a plain old shirt. had a phone call so she told me and shane to start without her. when we finished two walls we stood back to take a look at it. the room was going to have two different colors. oppisite sides the same color. the huge empty wall was black and the one across it was black too. and the other walls were going to be a pretty shade of purple. me and shane sighed as we looked at the black. it looked good but plain. i looked over at shane and then smiled. he looked at me confused. "what?"

i smirked and giggled " i have an amazing idea" i said and went to the many colors we bought. bought alot of cool colors. she said it was good to have a lot of choices. i opened the eletric blue and green and took a handful. " this is ganna be so fun!" i giggled and started to throw splatters of different colors at the plain black wall. shane smiled and went over and joined me. i walked up to the wall to examine it and smiled. it looked pretty cool. we did the same to the other black wall. i was standing looking at the walls and i felt something cold hit me. i looked down to see paint. i looked at a smirking shane.

"sorry my hand slipped" he said smirking bigger. i smiled.

"this means war." i said giggling and me and shane had a paint fight. i was laughing really hard and so was he. this was fun. i had eletric blue all over me and he had eletric green on him.

**Nate's Pov**

i came home and sighed. my girlfriend just broke up with me and it was a pretty dramastic breakup. i saw my mom in the kitchen helping the kitchen people do dinner. even though we were rich mom still loved to cook. "hey mom." i said and smiled alittle. "whats up with all the food?"

she smiled " oh did i forget to tell you that we have new guests staying at our home now. their ganna live here." she said and kissed my cheek. "right now shane is helping paint. " we heard laughing and giggling and my mom smiled " it sounds like their having fun"

i was curious to meet the new guests. " oh cool. ill go introduce myself and ask if they need help." i said and walked up the stairs. i walked my room and threw my jacket and keys on my bed. then i closet my door and headed up the stairs where the sound was coming from. i opened the door and before i knew it i had a clump of cold paint in my face. i heard shane laughing and a girl giggling softly. i wiped some of the paint off my face and looked at shane first. he was covered in bright green paint. " whats going on in here?" i asked examining the room. wow. this room looked cool. the two black walls were amazingly colored with random splats of paint. i was still looking around till i came to a girl about my age covered in blue. i couldnt really see every details on her face but she still was amazingly beautiful. she was smiling and looking down.

shane smirked as he stared at me while i gazed at this beautiful girl. "nate this is alex and alex this is nate. you should know about him from what i told you about in the car." shane said and put one of his arms around her shoulder but it was more of the friend way. shane told her about me?

Alex laughed a cute laughed and looked at shane. " god shane you make it seem like i have memory loss. of course i remember. " she said smiling then shruged his arm off of her. " like he said. im Alex." she said and put her hand out friendly.

i smiled and shook it and right as our hands touched i felt a small spark. i was surprised and i looked up at her to meet her confused but beautiful brown eyes. "im nate. its nice to meet you."

she smiled alittle looking at our hands then back at my eyes. " its nice to meet you too." she said in a soft voice. it was like she was thinking about what was it?

being here with her made my heart beat faster and my breathing was slowly stoping making it feel impossible to breath. i was speachless and i could feel the sparks as we still were holding hands. did she feel it too?  
_

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**_Alright.  
so heres the Second chapter of my new story.  
hope you like it and the idea so far.  
okay so what was alex thinking about?  
did she feel the sparks just like nate had?  
how will her room turn out?  
okay so reviews would be nice.  
and if my other story doesnt get many reviews then im sorry but i might stop making it.  
anyways.  
Peace. Love. Mel_**


	3. Pictures and Singing

**this is my second story.  
woot!  
anyways i came up with this idead awhile ago.  
but i might as well put it out there.  
hope you enjoy:)**_  
._

* * *

After that little exchange me and nate had it was alittle awkward. nate was just standing there looking at his feet and looked like he was in deep thought. what just happened?

i looked over at shane and he was smiling and walking towards me " what? " i asked confused.

he smirked " i have a cool idea but lets paint the other walls first" he said and i shrugged.  
nate sighed and was looking at me. i could see him from the corner of my eye.

nate looked at shane " umm im ganna go wash up and uh...." he took another glance at me then looked at shane " then im ganna do stuff." and with that he left and closed the door behind him

"awkward" shane shouted in a sing-songy voice causeing me to giggle.

me and shane were laying on my floor tired as hell. " yes! were done!" i shouted happily. i looked around and smiled at my cool new room. the splattered paint on the black walls look perfect and the purple walls look awesome too. i looked over at shane and he was smiling over at me.

he got up and left the room. i sat up confused but then he came back with a camera. " okay like i said i have a really cool idea. see that purple wall looks really plain....sooo .." i sat up and walked over to him interested. i was still covered in eletric blue paint and he was still cover in eletric green. he grabed my waist with one hand and pulled me gently to his side. "okay ready to take a picture?"

i looked at him and tried to figure out what he was ganna do. i smiled and looked at him."we're ganna make that wall a picture wall arnt we. and im ganna put up random picture." he smiled and nodded and i put one arm around him and smiled. he was about to take a picture but he did something i didnt expect. he took the picture and then showed it to me. in the picture he had his arm around my waist , i had my arm around his neck and he was kisses my cheek as i smiled. i giggled "perfect." he was smiling big. "so first im ganna take a shower and then ill put up pictures that i have." i smiled

he nodded "hey since your shower isnt ready yet you can use my bathroom in my room." i nodded as i walked to one of my bags and picked it up trying not to put paint on it. we left my room and entered his. i was too busy concentrating on a nice hot bath that i didnt look at his room. he led me to the bathroom and turned the light on. "here. do you need a towel or something?"i nodded and he left the room and came back a few minutes later. "here." i smiled

"thanks." i said smiling and he closed the bathroom door on his way out. i walked over an locked the door. then i took off all the painty clothes and put them in the sink. i pulled out my paint covered hair piece and put it on the sink counter. i waleked over to the shower and turned the water on. i got in and smiled as the hot water hit my body. it felt soo good to take hot showers. it usually made me feel a lot more relaxed. i grabed my shampoo i took out of my bag and started to lather my hair. i rinsed it out and almost laughed when i saw the water all blue. i grabed my conditioner and put a good amount in my hands. after i was done i washed it out and smiled. my hair was all clean. now my body. i sighed as i couldnt find my body wash. i looked around and saw shanes. "maybe he wont mind." i mummbled and grabed the bottle and scrubed my body with his body wash. when i was done i rinsed myself off and stepped out of the shower. i shivered as i felt the slight wind brush against my body. i grabed my towel and wraped my self. i ringed out my hair into the tub and put it up in a messy bun. i went throught my bag for something comfy to wear. i grabed my jean shorts and a lowcut shirt that had sleves that went down to my elbow and it said "Rock On" on it. the sirt hung closely to my body but wasnt so tight that it would make me look bad. i also grabed my bra and underwear and put them on. after i was down getting dressed i started to work on my hair. i dried it and fixed my side bangs and let my wavy hair down. i grabed my dirty clothes and put them in the towel. i grabed my bag and the ball of clothes and opened the door. shane wasnin here so i went to put my stuff in my room then went down the stairs to go to the kitchen. "Hi ." i said smiling as i entered the kitchen.

she looked at me and smiled " hey sweetie call me denise." i smiled and nodded "well i understand you dont have many clothes so i was think of going to the mall t oget you some." i smiled bigger.

"aww you dont have too." i said but she shook her head smiling.

"i want to." she smiled and hugged me " you smell like shane." she said giggling.

"well i had to use his body wash cause i forgot mine. you see we had a paint fight and well...since my bathroom isnt finished he said i could use his." she nodded understanding. " and plus his body wash smells really good." she started laughing and i giggled.

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by the time me and denise came back home my room was done. she helped me bring all the tons of bags to my room and then i told her i could put them away she already did enough. she nodded and left. i smiled and walked to my bed and sat down on the soft comfortable matress. i dumped out a bag and started folding some shirts and then getting up and putting them in my dresser.

when i finished all my clothes i decided to exploar the house. i was walking around and i walked into a room that looked like it was a hang out room. there were video games, movies, pool, fooseball, and other stuff. i saw a cool guitar and i looked around for people. when i didnt see anyone i walked over and picked the guitar off the couch. i sat down and started to play the guitar to a familiar tune that i used to play back in newyork. i sighed as i closed my eyes and listened to my favorite song that i could play and smiled alittle. i remebered all the words to it too. i started to sing to it mindlessly and kept my eyes closed just focesing on the song. it wasnt till the end of the song till i heard a noise. i jumped and put the guitar down. "umm who's there?" i asked softly.

i blushed as i saw who it was...nate. how much did he hear. he walked over to me and smiled " sorry..it's just your really good."

i blushed even more and smiled alittle "thanks. um im guessing this is your guitar." he nodded " sorry i just.. i used to play back at the place i lived but we didnt have enough time to grab my guitar. ive been playing for like.." i counted slowly " well im 17 now and i started playing when i was 13. umm soo 4 years. and i used to go to singing classes." i said rambling but he looked like he was really interested so i continued " see... i was never good at anything...my older brother justin was smart and got all the good grades and was good with like technical stuff and my youngest brother max was good at doing magical acts and was good at skateboarding and also was good at bringing in customers for the substation we owned. i couldnt do anything. so when i was 13 i started to play guitar because music meant so much to me and it still does. ive been told i could sing well and so i was happy when i found that out. but my dad and justin never believed in me and thought it wasnt important or even worth something. but my mom...she helped me stay confident when everyone else didnt. she supported me even when no one else did. and im rambling. sorry for boring you with my life story." i started to walk away but he grabed my hand to stoped just like before a spark went shoring through my body causing me to get even more confused then this morning. he didnt let go though. he just turned me around and smiled.

"hey no need to be sorry. that was a really cool story and i can understand where your coming from. music is important to me too and ive been playing guitar for along and you can play my guitar whenever you want." he let go of my hand and was still smiling. "anytime okay?" i nodded and he reached his hand over a brushed a piece of hair out of my face.

i blushed and he smiled even more. "t-thanks." i went over and huged him and kissed his cheek. this time he blushed and i giggled. " see you later?" he nodded and looked down still blushing. "oh and im looking forward to getting to know you more. maybe we can be really close friends." he nodded and looked at me smiling

"of course. id love to get to know you and getting to be friends. you seem really cool."he said smiling. i blushed lightly and nodded.

"bye." i said and left the room trying to figure out why i was blushing so much. what was that about?

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_**_  
hope you liked it.  
sorry it took forever it's just school and im sick so yeah.  
and today i stayed home sick so thats how i did this chapter.  
oh and there maybe like a love triangle in here between shane/alex and alex/nate  
who will win her heart?  
you just have to keep reading to find out._**

**okay so this was chapter 3** .


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